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Thursday, September 04, 2003

SNAG SKS PRSDNCY! Well, it looks like Kerry has just had his Muskie moment:
DERRY, N.H. (Reuters) - Maybe it was the ginger tea or the homemade brownies, but Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry ran a gamut of emotions on Wednesday, angrily denouncing President Bush as "dead wrong" on Iraq and shedding tears at a jobless woman's story...

Kerry, a senator from Massachusetts and a Vietnam combat veteran with a reputation for aloofness, lost his composure when Barbara Woodman of Concord told him how she was battling to educate her children after being laid off from a publishing company.

"I don't care how many jobs I have to work, those kids are going to college," she said. "And if I can, I'll do whatever it takes to make this country stronger."

Kerry, sitting beside her in Mary Ann's Diner, a popular small-town New Hampshire stop for 2004 presidential candidates, choked up and his eyes watered.
Jesus, how bizarre. At least Clinton had the decency to just bite his lip - I wonder whether the crying jag was provoked by the woman's story, or the fact that Dr. Dean is now being treated as the de facto frontrunner and the man needed to get a little buzz going.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

AT LEAST HE CAN'T SPREAD HIS GENES, even if he can still soil them:
A firecracker accident which left a 26-year-old man incontinent and unable to have sex has prompted warnings from police and health authorities about imitating stunts from the cult prankster film Jackass...

The man suffered a fractured pelvis and severe burns to his genital area after a firecracker exploded between the cheeks of his buttocks...

Illawarra Health emergency surgeon Dr Robert McCurdie, who operated on the man when he was taken to Wollongong Hospital, likened the man's condition to "a war injury".

Dr McCurdie said he believed the man had stumbled while the firecracker was in his buttocks, and fell down on it.
"I tell ya, doc, it was a one-in-a-million shot!"

UPDATE: Slatts has more fun with genitals. Don't try this at home, kids!
AYATOLLAH COLA, OR, THE FLIGHT FROM RESPONSIBILITY: Who knew there were gangs operating in western Sydney - gangs that had a penchant for violence? Certainly not this guy:
A man who was shot five times while loading a vending machine at a western Sydney TAFE is suing Coca-Cola for negligence.

Craig Pareezer, 38, is suing Coca-Cola Amatil after he was shot as he loaded a soft drink vending machine at Werrington TAFE on February 17, 1997.

Mr Pareezer was shot in the head, chest, stomach, leg and hand, and would be able to work again, the NSW Supreme Court was told today.
A terrible thing, but just who is responsible here? Coke may have been aware that the area was inhabited by baddies (western Sydney? whodathunkit?) and, as Pareezer maintains, sent a security guard to watch him on his rounds. But surely Pareezer must have known there were guys up to no good in Werrington, too:
Mr Pareezer's counsel John Rowe said his client also had been assaulted while working at Werrington TAFE two years earlier and Coca-Cola knew about gangs targeting vending machine operators in the area.
If Pareezer was so worried about stocking this particular machine, surely he could've gotten another job in the intervening two years, yes? Sure, but then he wouldn't be able to sue a big American company for his own bad fortune.

Just like those UN guys and that Shi'ite cleric who ostentatiously refused American protection in Iraq and then blamed the US when their mosques and ministry of love got bombed, this fellow had a clear course of action (i.e., get a new gig - we're hardly in a depression, despite what the ABC tells us). He chose to refuse it, and has decided to go after deep-pocketed Yanks instead.
WHENEVER I BITCH ABOUT BEING A RENTER, I will click on this link and count myself lucky to never have to be tempted to improve anything in our house and let the landlord pay to re-do the kitchen (which she has most graciously agreed to).

I mean, I'm sure it looks good. But at what cost, man? At what cost!?!

Monday, September 01, 2003

INDEED!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Lo! Who is that, rampaging along the steppes! It is DailyJames, hands clutching an oversized scalpel! He roars ominously:

"I'm going to fuck you with such reckless abandon, the devil himself will plead for mercy!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

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Sunday, August 31, 2003

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY, I first set foot on Australian soil. It was a bright, early-spring day much like today, which is an auspicious omen when starting a new life far from home.

Since then, I've gotten married, become a parent, and made some great friends in a great place. Thanks, Australia!
BIAS? WHAT BIAS? Glad to see that the enterprising journalists at Fairfax are playing things right down the middle, as in this report on water wastage...er, consumption in various suburbs:
The well-heeled residents of Woollahra in the eastern suburbs are Sydney's top water users for for the third consecutive year.

Two other Liberal-voting strongholds, Ku-ring-gai and Hunters Hill on the North Shore, are placed second and third on the list of the city's most prolific water users.
The rest of the piece, which reads like a the bastard love child of a Utilities Ministry press release and a Green Party policy statement, informs us that these "guzzling" suburbs use twice as much water as leftier locales like Leichardt, ostensibly because their residents keep pools and "luscious gardens" - exactly the sort of behavior one would expect from Howard-voting right wing death beasts.

Interestingly, readers are not told what water meter readings look like in Paddington, home to plenty of pools and luscious gardens - as well as the Howard-hating Philcher Adams and epicenter of chardonnay socialism. Presumably Paddo's only water "wasting", if that is the current term used for goods and services purchased by individuals to dispose of at their leisure, is committed by the last conservatives left in that part of town, Keith and Liz Windschuttle.

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